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April 2009 Archives

mynerdgirl
Orange, CA

On 04/08/2009 at 06:13 pm PST
nerdgirl asked:
Dear Dr. Ando, I am in a realationship with a man in the Military. He is currently deployed and this is something we have been through several times in the past. I was wondering if you had any ideas on how we could keep the sexual attraction going while in a long distance relationship. I want to keep the passion alive while we are apart. Any ideas would be appreciated. Sincerely, Missing my Man

mynerdgirl
Orange, CA

On 04/10/2009 at 06:25 pm PST
nerdgirl asked:
Dear Dr. Ando, A few months ago I got involved with someone who told me up front that he was living a polyamorous lifestyle. I've never been one to question the way a person lives so long as they are being responsible about it. At first I was ok with it. Now it's starting to trigger insecurities that I never had before an ex of mine did some very horrible things. I thought maybe this would be a good step for me to grow past my insecurities. He is honest about his activities which have been, up to now, minimal. He has confessed also that he is in love with me. I'm not sure where I am about that yet, but I am realizing that I am far to insecure for his lifestyle. I don't feel that this is a jealousy issue. In fact, i don't think it's about him at all. I know it's more about my self worth. I don't want him to change his lifestyle just because I have petty insecurity issues, but I'm finding it more difficult to be ok about it. I have started to share these feelings with him because he insists on knowing my feelings about everything. I know that he cares. Unfortunately that does nothing to ease my overwheling discomfort. There are many things that I am experiencing with this relationship that I want to experience, maybe even need to experience beyond overcoming my insecurities. I see my emotional reactions to this as weak, almost pathetic. I wasn't this way before my crazy ex did the things he did and he did those things many years ago. What can I do to overcome these emotional reactions other than fight through them?